It’s a little building block that makes you the most beautiful thing: YOU.
Each weird stretch mark or stray hair is a piece of you. I realize…who am I? Who am I, to tell myself that I’m not enough. “I’ve learned to slam on the brake, before I even turn the key. Mid-breakdown, “Waving Through a Window” from Dear Evan Hansen comes on. I mean, have you ever put something on, that you SWEAR you’re going to feel unbelievably sexy in, and you put it on, only to be severely disappointed? Yeah, I can now check that box. Nick definitely isn’t going to like this.
These should-have-been-sexy underwear have turned into a pandora’s box-unleashing every insecurity I have. I have a roll here, stretch marks here, and a weird back hair patch that is basically my achilles heal and will stop me in my tracks, in my normal day, if I feel like someone can see it. In fact, have you ever seen a roll of pillsbury biscuits pop open? That’s what I feel like…dough.pouring out of it’s pleather encasement. I immediately tear into the package and run to the bathroom and put them on… We put on sexy undies and parade them around for our significant others! I think, “well damn, this model looks great in these, I too can look amazing in these.” A few clicks later and I’m awarded the email telling me I will be the proud owner of these hella sexy, pleather, assless undies.Īrrival day! It’s here! I get the notice that my new, sexy undies are awaiting me in the mailbox!!! I can’t wait to put them on, and take pictures and send them to my husband! We’re in a long distance relationship, so we have to spice it up, right?! I stumble across a pair of sexy pleather undies (why are they called pleather?) with some sort of metal ring in the front that sits above your junk. Mom: If you’ve made it this far, seriously…turn back… I like a good pair of underwear, and if you’ve known me for very long, you know I used to collect all kinds Mickey Mouse, Taz, Ginch Gonch, Andrew Christian, and had a brief stint with commando.
I decide-I should look at men’s underwear. I venture to, and start perusing the pages of merchandise and getting lost, which is easy as hell to do. I’m laying on the bed, and she’s on the couch, and we’re enjoying a little Sex and the City (which I’ve almost binge watched all 6 (7?) seasons in about a week and a half).
Picture this: Saturday night I’m winding down with a glass of wine after a fun day of New York City Adventures with my good friend Kristina, who is visiting me. Okay, now that that’s out of the way…get ready for this shit storm…
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